The used car salesman bit is hard to swallow. You don't don't believe a word out of his mouth. You don't believe the prices on the cars and you sure as hell don't believe that bad come-over. You walk away feeling vindicated at the fact that you weren't taken by another shyster. Another slimy weasel didn't take you for an extra few grand and you feel great.
So why can a girl take you for nothing and make you feel ten times worse?
She's cute. She has great tits, and she's friendly as all hell. She'll touch you, she'll flirt, but when the dust has settled, you're not important. You're not a priority. If there's something else diverting her attention. You don't matter.
You tell yourself she's an attention whore. You tell yourself she just likes to be the star. So why don't you listen? Why don't you throw her out of your mind like all the others. Why isn't it so easy?
Frankly, I don't think you want to. I think you want to believe that she's touching you because you're hot. You're awesome, and all this effort you've been putting in over the years has paid off. You've got the moves and she's fallen for em.
So flip the switch and something else comes along. Another attractive male, another target, a tastier treat. What's that feeling when she dumps you like yesterday's news?
And you can't remember why you bought it in the first place.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Part I
“Hey you! Stop!” a voice rang out in the terminal.
Sam panicked. When he panics, he gets scared, and when he’s scared, he runs. Bolting down the terminal floor he blew past dozens of startled onlookers. He darted left and right trying to obscure the view of his pursuer. Flying past the souvenir shop he grabbed the postcard display letting it crash the ground. Passing the Gelateria he bowled over an unsuspecting patron. Mocha Nocciola gelato = splattered everywhere.
He ran past the ice cream vendor and turned the corner at the sleazy terminal bar hoping to lose whoever it was that was after him. His bag was heavy, and it bounced hard on his back as he ran. Taking the corner, however, a force came down on him like a ton of bricks. That load was commanded by terminal security, more specifically ex-line-backer Tiny. Once an NFL prospect, Tiny had been expelled on drug charges. After that he dragged himself around the US trying out for practice squads only to end up a security thug on the East Coast. That had been a long time ago, and though he had been faster in his salad days, he was still more than a match for any post-grad vagabond lugging a 12 kilogram backpack.
At this point, Sam was crushed both literally and figuratively. He had heard a crack when he‘d hit the ground and he was afraid his hopes and dreams had been broken along with two of his ribs. He felt a trickle running down his back and his darkest fear was confirmed. That pain seemed incredibly real at that moment. Somehow it even felt more real than the 250 pound former All American sitting on top of him.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Nerding out at the Bar
Generally when you go the bar there are lots of interesting things to look out for, and one of them is guys like me. Don't worry, I'm not deluded. I'm not there to try and pick up some poor girl after a long night of drinkin'. I'm not there to get super plastered and spend my night making offerings to the Porcelain Gods. I'm also certainly not there to dance up a storm and make come hither motions interspiced with the liquid-man.
I come from a select breed. I don't know how to make impromptu conversation with average people let alone average girls. While dancing I've been asked, "What's wrong with you?"on several occasions. My pickup stats are safely padded with leading zeros.
Sometimes we travel in packs. You can always spot us. We're the wall flowers sitting quietly at the side of the dancefloor. We don't talk so much as comment and nod occasionally while swaying to the beat. When we dance, we group together like a pack of epileptic frankensteins, and we're often the strange guys dancing slowly closer to the cute girls in hopes they might not turn away.
If you're a fan of the human freak show that is the bar... look out for us, we're a fun side show for when the 40 yr old flamenco guy goes for a beer.
I come from a select breed. I don't know how to make impromptu conversation with average people let alone average girls. While dancing I've been asked, "What's wrong with you?"on several occasions. My pickup stats are safely padded with leading zeros.
Sometimes we travel in packs. You can always spot us. We're the wall flowers sitting quietly at the side of the dancefloor. We don't talk so much as comment and nod occasionally while swaying to the beat. When we dance, we group together like a pack of epileptic frankensteins, and we're often the strange guys dancing slowly closer to the cute girls in hopes they might not turn away.
If you're a fan of the human freak show that is the bar... look out for us, we're a fun side show for when the 40 yr old flamenco guy goes for a beer.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Why Creationists Are Wrong
Disclaimer: This piece isn't meant to assault the philosophy of those who believe in God or believe that some divine entity took some role in the creation of life at some point. It does however call all those people that argue their points incorrectly and inconsistently bloody idiots.
Sometimes I feel curious and I decide I want to find arguments to challenge the way I see the universe. So I decided I'd try to look at what the leading arguments were against evolution. I was, as you'll find, rather disappointed.
Prime Mover Argument
The arguments goes something like: Evolution doesn't explain how life began. This is true. It is also, of course, not trying to explain it. I completely agree that at some point something possibly completely unlike evolution happened to get the ball rolling. In fact, if someone could prove that a flatulent, alien, clown appeared out of thin air and expelled the first cell in a puff of methane and bad taste, it wouldn't change a thing about evolution.
Evolution is "Hard"
A lot of proponents of creationism like to point out how certain rather unlikely things have to happen for evolution to occur. I'd just like to remind them that though the probability is small, its happening over and over again with millions of organisms all the time and its been happening for billions of years. So, that tiny probability actually becomes something of a likelihood. Apparently the notion that the mechanisms that affect evolution is both highly random and highly probabilistic is hard for some people to swallow.
Living Fossils
My problem with the living fossil argument is essentially that I don't understand it. I'm not even sure it's an argument. A living fossil is an informal term for a species that has no close living relatives and that was only previously known via fossil. Somehow these things apparently disprove evolution.
Proponents of this argument seem to have it in their heads that the existence of a species is proof enough that it is not an ancestor of any existing organisms. I don't know why, but some people apparently have this notion that species of earlier links in the evolutionary chain must be exinct.
Preserved T. Rex Cells
Apparently in the 90's extraordinarily well preserved cells, bone and even collagen were found inside the hip bone of a T. Rex. So I started to think. Maybe the rock formation helped in preserving the bone. Maybe the thickness of the bone helped preserve the cells. I wasn't sure what had happened. Hoping for an explanation, I read on.
According to results from a scanning-electron microscope, the subject looks to only be about a few thousand years old.
I still hadn't really found the meat of the point so I kept going. Eventually the argument gets to this sentence:
Since unfossilized dinosaur bones are being found more commonly, and frozen mammoths with flesh still on the bones are well-known, it has become impossible for evolutionists to deny the discoveries.
Allow me to introduce the author of this piece to one of the modern world's favorite appliances. It's called a refrigerator and its been keeping food cold for over 80 years. But wait! There's more! Cold food stays fresher longer. Just like mammoths I would imagine.
But you know the author has a point. There is some mystery in the unfossilized bone of this dinosaur. The one thign I want to know, though, is how they stuck a few-thousand-year-old hip bone into a 65 million year old T. Rex corpse.
Sometimes I feel curious and I decide I want to find arguments to challenge the way I see the universe. So I decided I'd try to look at what the leading arguments were against evolution. I was, as you'll find, rather disappointed.
Prime Mover Argument
The arguments goes something like: Evolution doesn't explain how life began. This is true. It is also, of course, not trying to explain it. I completely agree that at some point something possibly completely unlike evolution happened to get the ball rolling. In fact, if someone could prove that a flatulent, alien, clown appeared out of thin air and expelled the first cell in a puff of methane and bad taste, it wouldn't change a thing about evolution.
Evolution is "Hard"
A lot of proponents of creationism like to point out how certain rather unlikely things have to happen for evolution to occur. I'd just like to remind them that though the probability is small, its happening over and over again with millions of organisms all the time and its been happening for billions of years. So, that tiny probability actually becomes something of a likelihood. Apparently the notion that the mechanisms that affect evolution is both highly random and highly probabilistic is hard for some people to swallow.
Living Fossils
My problem with the living fossil argument is essentially that I don't understand it. I'm not even sure it's an argument. A living fossil is an informal term for a species that has no close living relatives and that was only previously known via fossil. Somehow these things apparently disprove evolution.
Proponents of this argument seem to have it in their heads that the existence of a species is proof enough that it is not an ancestor of any existing organisms. I don't know why, but some people apparently have this notion that species of earlier links in the evolutionary chain must be exinct.
Preserved T. Rex Cells
Apparently in the 90's extraordinarily well preserved cells, bone and even collagen were found inside the hip bone of a T. Rex. So I started to think. Maybe the rock formation helped in preserving the bone. Maybe the thickness of the bone helped preserve the cells. I wasn't sure what had happened. Hoping for an explanation, I read on.
According to results from a scanning-electron microscope, the subject looks to only be about a few thousand years old.
I still hadn't really found the meat of the point so I kept going. Eventually the argument gets to this sentence:
Since unfossilized dinosaur bones are being found more commonly, and frozen mammoths with flesh still on the bones are well-known, it has become impossible for evolutionists to deny the discoveries.
Allow me to introduce the author of this piece to one of the modern world's favorite appliances. It's called a refrigerator and its been keeping food cold for over 80 years. But wait! There's more! Cold food stays fresher longer. Just like mammoths I would imagine.
But you know the author has a point. There is some mystery in the unfossilized bone of this dinosaur. The one thign I want to know, though, is how they stuck a few-thousand-year-old hip bone into a 65 million year old T. Rex corpse.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Old Friends
They've been with you so long and sometimes you just obsess.
You can't remember how it started. You just know that its a mess.
You feel alone. You indulge yourself. So much that you get tangled.
Your not sure who to blame and your head is always mangled.
Sometimes they hurt you when you're around,
but mostly when you're not. You feel it tear, the knife digs deep, but you pretend you don't hear a sound.
You bury yourself in work, keep quiet and hide away.
You always go back, though, and burn yourself again.
In the worst of times you sit, shake your head and reflect
What happened to your life? where's your self-respect?
You blame them for your pain, and you need move away.
You hope that wherever you go, it won't follow you one day.
Though you don't know what you did, it's yourself you must forgive.
If you can figure that out you still might find a normal life to live.
You can't remember how it started. You just know that its a mess.
You feel alone. You indulge yourself. So much that you get tangled.
Your not sure who to blame and your head is always mangled.
Sometimes they hurt you when you're around,
but mostly when you're not. You feel it tear, the knife digs deep, but you pretend you don't hear a sound.
You bury yourself in work, keep quiet and hide away.
You always go back, though, and burn yourself again.
In the worst of times you sit, shake your head and reflect
What happened to your life? where's your self-respect?
You blame them for your pain, and you need move away.
You hope that wherever you go, it won't follow you one day.
Though you don't know what you did, it's yourself you must forgive.
If you can figure that out you still might find a normal life to live.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Alone
Parties are funny things. You go, and you meet people, and everyone is open and friendly. People are timid at first but eventually stories are exchanged, jokes are told, and alcohol begins to flow. Before you know it you're smiling and laughing. The night goes well and new stories are made, interesting conversations are had.
You meet people and form opinions and relationship dynamics start to form. Other ones develop. Feelings and ideas start to take shape. As the conversations take its turns, thoughts and ideas pop up and you find yourself picking between them. You want to share some experiences, but you stop short. Not everything is appropriate. Not everything fits.
A while later the lows of the alcohol or caffeine begin to hit, the morning hours are upon you and people start to fade off. They vanish into the night.
After a little while, you decide it's time. You and your friends set off for home. Another great night out.
You arrive at home, the lights are off, the place is quiet. Your shoes echo as they hit the floor. You're alone, and now that the music is finally gone and the sounds of laughter are just whispers in your ear, you can feel it. There is a hollowness. You yearn for contact. You need someone to absorb the stories you haven't told, the opinions you've developed, the ideas you've come up with.
A person to understand. Not so much a person to reason with, or to find a solution. Rather, you need a person to listen. To nod and smile. To sympathize. To agree.
You turn on your computer and move straight to MSN. Bill's out of town. John's probably asleep. Is Kate there? Do you really want to talk to your ex? She isn't. Your stuck.
The place is still empty. The rooms are still dark. You have to give up. You lie in bed. You turn off the light, and you feel it.
You meet people and form opinions and relationship dynamics start to form. Other ones develop. Feelings and ideas start to take shape. As the conversations take its turns, thoughts and ideas pop up and you find yourself picking between them. You want to share some experiences, but you stop short. Not everything is appropriate. Not everything fits.
A while later the lows of the alcohol or caffeine begin to hit, the morning hours are upon you and people start to fade off. They vanish into the night.
After a little while, you decide it's time. You and your friends set off for home. Another great night out.
You arrive at home, the lights are off, the place is quiet. Your shoes echo as they hit the floor. You're alone, and now that the music is finally gone and the sounds of laughter are just whispers in your ear, you can feel it. There is a hollowness. You yearn for contact. You need someone to absorb the stories you haven't told, the opinions you've developed, the ideas you've come up with.
A person to understand. Not so much a person to reason with, or to find a solution. Rather, you need a person to listen. To nod and smile. To sympathize. To agree.
You turn on your computer and move straight to MSN. Bill's out of town. John's probably asleep. Is Kate there? Do you really want to talk to your ex? She isn't. Your stuck.
The place is still empty. The rooms are still dark. You have to give up. You lie in bed. You turn off the light, and you feel it.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Idols
Who do you look up to? Who did you look up to? What made you who you are? Did you make yourself? Did you make someone else? Is what made you what it should have been? Would you change you? Would you change what made you? If you changed it, would you still want to?
Who makes people today? Do you? Do Movie Stars? Actors? Does the actor make people? Does the person they're immitating make them? Do those people make us?
Do athletes? If athletes make athletes, why are we fat?
Do singers? If celebrities make celebrities, who will give us fame?
If our bellies are full, why do we eat? If our mind are empty, why do we not read? If we don't know we are broken, how do we fix it? If we know we are broken, why don't we fix it?
Who makes people today? Do you? Do Movie Stars? Actors? Does the actor make people? Does the person they're immitating make them? Do those people make us?
Do athletes? If athletes make athletes, why are we fat?
Do singers? If celebrities make celebrities, who will give us fame?
If our bellies are full, why do we eat? If our mind are empty, why do we not read? If we don't know we are broken, how do we fix it? If we know we are broken, why don't we fix it?
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Yes and No.
Invite a girl out and see what she says. Is it the truth? does it matter? When it really boils down to it you have 3 potential responses. She accepts and shows up. (No really this actually happens. A friend told me about it once.) She rejects you and you bite your lip and walk away. You might not bite your lip, but I'm going to suggest you try it. It stops you from saying something harsh. Or, she accepts and doesn't show up. By far the most unnerving and irritating. At this point you stand there, well groomed, well dressed, and well.. you just wish she'd just told you to fuck off. At least then you could've gone to the game with the guys. At least then you could've caught the 7 o'clock show at the AMC. At least then you could bite your lip, or even better you could not.
This is the world that I thought existed. This is the world that I'd grown to hate. My share of no's has definitely helped get me where I am today. A bitter, single guy with no real problems that can't land a girl for some reason or another. That's not the whole story, though. In fact, this is drastically oversimplified. There's a 5 letter word I hate more than all the times that special girl I'd been thinking about has been washing her hair or just liked me as a friend. That word is "Maybe". If you ever hear this awful, disgusting, vile excuse for a word... well, I can't help you. It means nothing to me. I'd often feel better if I hadn't asked the question. At least then I could say I'm certain your not coming because I didn't invite you. I don't have to plan around the fact that I might need to run home and get ready for the girl that probably won't come. I have to wait a couple of days and call her and then see if she's decided yet. That's a point where I feel pretty powerless. It feels like your on your knees at that point. You're begging. You're saying to her. "I really want you to come out with me. I need you." And then you're just coming on too strong, and what girl needs that?
On the other hand you could not call her. That one's a real winner. You'd be lucky to get a "maybe" ever again.
I once had a great idea. I told her to call me when she figured out if she could make it. I feel like a lot of guys are nodding their heads. The smart one's are silent. Do you know what this tells a girl? It means that she's responsible for making the decision and calling you afterwards. The burden's on her and not you. She doesn't want that. I mean she thought she could shrug you off with a "maybe". Now you're just being annoying. It's honestly never worked for me, but maybe you'll get a girl with a real "maybe". Not an "I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I'll just play with his head a little more" kind of "maybe" or better yet an "I don't have any plans yet, so I'm going to see if anything better comes along" sort of "maybe".
Maybe - one of the great modern phrases. It's right up there with, "I'll call you sometime."
I'm going to leave this one with a question. You invite a girl out innocently a few times and she says no politely each time. She makes it clear that she doesn't see people like you that often. You throw a party and decide not to invite her. Is she justified in getting angry at being snubbed? Because I'm have trouble finding my sympathy.
This is the world that I thought existed. This is the world that I'd grown to hate. My share of no's has definitely helped get me where I am today. A bitter, single guy with no real problems that can't land a girl for some reason or another. That's not the whole story, though. In fact, this is drastically oversimplified. There's a 5 letter word I hate more than all the times that special girl I'd been thinking about has been washing her hair or just liked me as a friend. That word is "Maybe". If you ever hear this awful, disgusting, vile excuse for a word... well, I can't help you. It means nothing to me. I'd often feel better if I hadn't asked the question. At least then I could say I'm certain your not coming because I didn't invite you. I don't have to plan around the fact that I might need to run home and get ready for the girl that probably won't come. I have to wait a couple of days and call her and then see if she's decided yet. That's a point where I feel pretty powerless. It feels like your on your knees at that point. You're begging. You're saying to her. "I really want you to come out with me. I need you." And then you're just coming on too strong, and what girl needs that?
On the other hand you could not call her. That one's a real winner. You'd be lucky to get a "maybe" ever again.
I once had a great idea. I told her to call me when she figured out if she could make it. I feel like a lot of guys are nodding their heads. The smart one's are silent. Do you know what this tells a girl? It means that she's responsible for making the decision and calling you afterwards. The burden's on her and not you. She doesn't want that. I mean she thought she could shrug you off with a "maybe". Now you're just being annoying. It's honestly never worked for me, but maybe you'll get a girl with a real "maybe". Not an "I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I'll just play with his head a little more" kind of "maybe" or better yet an "I don't have any plans yet, so I'm going to see if anything better comes along" sort of "maybe".
Maybe - one of the great modern phrases. It's right up there with, "I'll call you sometime."
I'm going to leave this one with a question. You invite a girl out innocently a few times and she says no politely each time. She makes it clear that she doesn't see people like you that often. You throw a party and decide not to invite her. Is she justified in getting angry at being snubbed? Because I'm have trouble finding my sympathy.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Conversation
Sitting down to coffee with a few others.
I haven't said anything in 10 minutes. They'll think I'm weird. You don't know the guy, and you don't watch that show. Wait! I know! Nah. It's too late. The moment's passed. Hey that girl next to me. She's not talking. Maybe I could start a conversation with her. Alright. I could talk to her about a movie. You're drunk, aren't you? Didn't she want to go dancing? Definitely drunk. What should I say? How should I say it? Just let it come naturally. Naturally? Let what come?
"So, Dave. What have you been doing for that last few months?"
"Oh. I was in Seattle."
"Oh cool! How was Seattle?"
"It was nice. It's a cool city."
"Oh! Do you remember Jay?"
"Jay?"
"Sorry. I was asking John."
What the hell was that? What did you expect? A conversation? You don't know these people. Not sure I want to anymore. Just relax. How am I supposed to get anywhere if I can't... Relax. Okay. Okay? Okay!
"Dave, you were in Seattle right?"
"Yeah."
"What were you doing there?"
"Oh. I was doing an internship at Amazon."
"That's really cool."
"Yeah. I may actually be heading back out there for a full-time position."
"Nice. Congratulations."
"Thanks. So I may be headed back for a few years." Alright. You've got something going. "I was thinking after that I'd come back..." What are you doing? "and start my own thing." Stop. "I've always wanted to do that." Oh, dear.
"So, John. How's that band of yours?"
What? How did I lose her? Simple. You're a moron. What was wrong with that? You're trying to get her involved, not give her your life story. Well I just thought... Often the first sign of trouble.
After a joke.
See. It's not that hard. Uh Oh. She wasn't Polish was she? Oh no. I hate when they cry.
"You knew my dad was a priest!"
I just met her 5 minutes ago. Say something. What? Well, apologize at least. What was her name again? Amy?
"Amy..."
"Amanda!"
I knew it started with an A.
"It was a joke! I didn't mean anything by it!"
She keeps crying.
"C'mon. Let me buy you an ice cream."
Sniffles. "Okay."
A little later.
"Hey Dave. I'm headed out. You need a lift?"
"Sure. Thanks. I'll talk to everyone soon!" Well that went well. Look at the bright side... Which is? I wasn't anticipating a followup.
I haven't said anything in 10 minutes. They'll think I'm weird. You don't know the guy, and you don't watch that show. Wait! I know! Nah. It's too late. The moment's passed. Hey that girl next to me. She's not talking. Maybe I could start a conversation with her. Alright. I could talk to her about a movie. You're drunk, aren't you? Didn't she want to go dancing? Definitely drunk. What should I say? How should I say it? Just let it come naturally. Naturally? Let what come?
"So, Dave. What have you been doing for that last few months?"
"Oh. I was in Seattle."
"Oh cool! How was Seattle?"
"It was nice. It's a cool city."
"Oh! Do you remember Jay?"
"Jay?"
"Sorry. I was asking John."
What the hell was that? What did you expect? A conversation? You don't know these people. Not sure I want to anymore. Just relax. How am I supposed to get anywhere if I can't... Relax. Okay. Okay? Okay!
"Dave, you were in Seattle right?"
"Yeah."
"What were you doing there?"
"Oh. I was doing an internship at Amazon."
"That's really cool."
"Yeah. I may actually be heading back out there for a full-time position."
"Nice. Congratulations."
"Thanks. So I may be headed back for a few years." Alright. You've got something going. "I was thinking after that I'd come back..." What are you doing? "and start my own thing." Stop. "I've always wanted to do that." Oh, dear.
"So, John. How's that band of yours?"
What? How did I lose her? Simple. You're a moron. What was wrong with that? You're trying to get her involved, not give her your life story. Well I just thought... Often the first sign of trouble.
After a joke.
See. It's not that hard. Uh Oh. She wasn't Polish was she? Oh no. I hate when they cry.
"You knew my dad was a priest!"
I just met her 5 minutes ago. Say something. What? Well, apologize at least. What was her name again? Amy?
"Amy..."
"Amanda!"
I knew it started with an A.
"It was a joke! I didn't mean anything by it!"
She keeps crying.
"C'mon. Let me buy you an ice cream."
Sniffles. "Okay."
A little later.
"Hey Dave. I'm headed out. You need a lift?"
"Sure. Thanks. I'll talk to everyone soon!" Well that went well. Look at the bright side... Which is? I wasn't anticipating a followup.
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