What's it like when Phelps gets the Munchies?

Michael Phelps did a horrible thing. No, it wasn't that he smoked the peace pipe. It wasn't that he disgraced Kellog's. It wasn't that let down millions of fans. It's that he joined this media circus in the first place. Seriously, what is an 8 time gold medalist doing being sponsored by a company like McDonald's? If theore's anything the youth of this continent don't understand, it's how to eat properly, and here we have one of America's greatest athletes hawking cheese burgers to earn a buck. 

If there's anything he can take from this, it's that if want to get the money, you have to play the game. That means making sure none of your friends snap a pic of you doing anything short of smiling and giving a thumbs up.

The fact is the youth of America won't be corrupted by this anymore than Dutch children are corrupted by coffee shops in Amsterdam. Frankly, it would be nice if children here could learn what children there already know, it's not that big a deal! He's 23 and he's already been convicted of driving under the influence. I'm sure the guys back in Ann Arbor already knew Mike liked to kick back by smoking a bowl every now and again. 

The man is a living legend. His accomplishment is nothing short of miraculous. Slightly more impressive might be Mark Spitz doing it with a mustache and without any special swimwear. Still, Phelps is a great Olympian and a hit from a bong isn't going to change that. Even if the trunks they'll be designing in 2016 might.

Terrorism and Relying on Good Intentions

Sixty years ago a nation was created. A small nation with deeply religious roots. The land had to come from somwhere, and it came from a part of the world that had changed hands many times throughout its history. The group that got it wanted the land very badly and had settled there over time both because people didn't want them elsewhere and because they believed they belonged there. Of course, they still had to share it with the people already living there. In the end, control over the area shifted from the one group to another, and someone was left feeling a bit left out. Shouldn't they have control over the area? haven't they lived there long enough? isn't it important to them and their families as well? And, like any other disputed region, a bit of negative sentiment still exists today.

They are still arguing over who owns the area, and the two groups have come to blows many times. Many have died, more have been injured, and still more live in fear. 

So, the UN has decided that they will call for an end to the violence. Too many people have died and there has been too much civilian suffering. 

It reminds me of a problem at many workplaces. A CEO was once asked, "Can we make sure people always fill up the coffee maker when they've had the last cup?" "You can't ask people to have good intentions," he said. The fact is, people are sometimes going to leave the coffee maker empty unless they have a damn good reason to fill it up. Sure, nice people will fill it up when they're done, and more likely, if they aren't in a hurry, but unless there's a mechanism in place, you're still just relying on the fact that they're nice and that they'll feel like doing it.

Meanwhile, back in the Middle East, we are asking people to stop doing what they were doing because it's wrong. Fact. They know it's wrong (and maybe some don't even think that it is), and they're doing it anyway. Palestinians attack and Israelis retaliate with increased force, but the fighting does not stop. Missiles are still flying into Southern Israel. Tanks are still firing in Gaza city. The violence is horrible. Hundreds have died. Perhaps we should give them a bit more of a reason to stop than just asking nicely.

Scape Goats and How History Repeats Itself

In times of crisis, there are a couple of certainties. One thing to note is that all those wonderful things you learned watching Saturday morning cartoons is wrong. Core values will not necessarily be strengthened, and definitely not at first. People won't necessarily band together to fight a common cause, and we might not ever be better for having gone through it. Not for sometime afterwards, and not permanently.
One thing that you can count on is that rather trying to seek a solution, people will generally look for a scape goat. It's happened many times throughout history. People like to lay blame. It makes them feel better about themselves.
In the case of the current economic crisis, I can blame Capitol Hill for scape goating former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan. Mike Shneider, was quoted as saying, "He didn't have to be a cheerleader for imprudence." Are you serious? The man's job was to ensure the longest possible periods of sustainable growth for the economy, and he had to do with Reagan and W. sitting in the White House. I'm no expert, but I think he could've done worse. I find it reprehensible that they would insult this man, when he was looking at the same numbers everyone else was, and yes hindsight is 20/20. Is he perfect. No. He made assumptions. He was wrong. Though, I sincerely doubt he took his job of 40 years lightly.
Now he does shoulder the blame for a good portion of the decisions made, but frankly, I don't see how berating an old man is going to fix the credit crisis, bring companies out of federal protection, and otherwise fix an economy where given the option to take huge risks at other peoples' expense, companies did just that. Now aside from a few Lehman Brothers' execs, I don't see any of those guys spending hours on the Hill answering questions about the stupid moves they made. Hell, up until a while ago, I bet they all thought they were going to be fine. Instead they bring a loyal public servant out of retirement to say, "Look what you did to our economy!"

If only this were the first time. If only this were the first time blame was shunted rather than addressing the root cause of the issue. Everyone does it. The Greeks cast out beggars after natural disasters. The Nazis blamed their economic woes on the Jews.

And according to a sociology professor, this is when the binding together in solidarity happens, when you have someone to blame (Kenneth Westhues, Prof. of Sociology University of Waterloo, published in OHS Canada, Canada's Occupational Health & Safety Magazine, Vol. 18, No. 8, December 2002, pp. 30-36.) ! Hopefully now that we've blamed all our problems on Greenspan, the stock market will finally go back up.

Human nature disgusts me.

The Miracle of Corn Fed Cattle

Corn Fed. Sounds great. A sign of quality. Sounds a whole lot better than "animal bi-product fed" or "pumped full of antibiotics and hormones". Luckily, in our wonderful modern world we can get all 3 and cheap! That's right beef fans. Your cattle is getting fat off 2nd grade government subsidized corn. Grade A American beef is marbled to suit the consumer. That's right you get the great taste of beef full of the fat that makes it extra tasty. What that you say? Fat is bad for you? It's ok. You are what you eat, and the US keeps its cattle healthy with a regular dose of antibiotics. In fact, they are so concerned with quality they give more drugs to their beef than they do to their people. They don't stop there, though. Nope, where would quality be without quantity? Rest assured, each cow is given a bare minimum of space in order to maximize the efficiency of the land. That would just be pointless rhetoric without numbers, though. In 2003, the US meat machine managed to process over 35 million cattle.

Well, if your not convinced, take a look at the competition. Canadian beef outlawed the use of hormones in its cattle. Argentine beef, the so called "best beef in the world", only eats grass. Now how much marbling could you possibly get out of that?

I didn't think I bought it, but I did

The used car salesman bit is hard to swallow. You don't don't believe a word out of his mouth. You don't believe the prices on the cars and you sure as hell don't believe that bad come-over. You walk away feeling vindicated at the fact that you weren't taken by another shyster. Another slimy weasel didn't take you for an extra few grand and you feel great.

So why can a girl take you for nothing and make you feel ten times worse?

She's cute. She has great tits, and she's friendly as all hell. She'll touch you, she'll flirt, but when the dust has settled, you're not important. You're not a priority. If there's something else diverting her attention. You don't matter.

You tell yourself she's an attention whore. You tell yourself she just likes to be the star. So why don't you listen? Why don't you throw her out of your mind like all the others. Why isn't it so easy?

Frankly, I don't think you want to. I think you want to believe that she's touching you because you're hot. You're awesome, and all this effort you've been putting in over the years has paid off. You've got the moves and she's fallen for em.

So flip the switch and something else comes along. Another attractive male, another target, a tastier treat. What's that feeling when she dumps you like yesterday's news?

And you can't remember why you bought it in the first place.

Part I

“Hey you! Stop!” a voice rang out in the terminal.

Sam panicked. When he panics, he gets scared, and when he’s scared, he runs. Bolting down the terminal floor he blew past dozens of startled onlookers. He darted left and right trying to obscure the view of his pursuer. Flying past the souvenir shop he grabbed the postcard display letting it crash the ground. Passing the Gelateria he bowled over an unsuspecting patron. Mocha Nocciola gelato = splattered everywhere.

He ran past the ice cream vendor and turned the corner at the sleazy terminal bar hoping to lose whoever it was that was after him. His bag was heavy, and it bounced hard on his back as he ran. Taking the corner, however, a force came down on him like a ton of bricks. That load was commanded by terminal security, more specifically ex-line-backer Tiny. Once an NFL prospect, Tiny had been expelled on drug charges. After that he dragged himself around the US trying out for practice squads only to end up a security thug on the East Coast. That had been a long time ago, and though he had been faster in his salad days, he was still more than a match for any post-grad vagabond lugging a 12 kilogram backpack.

At this point, Sam was crushed both literally and figuratively. He had heard a crack when he‘d hit the ground and he was afraid his hopes and dreams had been broken along with two of his ribs. He felt a trickle running down his back and his darkest fear was confirmed. That pain seemed incredibly real at that moment. Somehow it even felt more real than the 250 pound former All American sitting on top of him.

Nerding out at the Bar

Generally when you go the bar there are lots of interesting things to look out for, and one of them is guys like me. Don't worry, I'm not deluded. I'm not there to try and pick up some poor girl after a long night of drinkin'. I'm not there to get super plastered and spend my night making offerings to the Porcelain Gods. I'm also certainly not there to dance up a storm and make come hither motions interspiced with the liquid-man.

I come from a select breed. I don't know how to make impromptu conversation with average people let alone average girls. While dancing I've been asked, "What's wrong with you?"on several occasions. My pickup stats are safely padded with leading zeros.

Sometimes we travel in packs. You can always spot us. We're the wall flowers sitting quietly at the side of the dancefloor. We don't talk so much as comment and nod occasionally while swaying to the beat. When we dance, we group together like a pack of epileptic frankensteins, and we're often the strange guys dancing slowly closer to the cute girls in hopes they might not turn away.

If you're a fan of the human freak show that is the bar... look out for us, we're a fun side show for when the 40 yr old flamenco guy goes for a beer.